Burglarizing the Bait and Tackle

According to the Times-News, the burglar who broke into Surgoinsville Bait and Tackle last week took cash, beer and cigarettes valued at more than $2,000, but left the worms.

[…]

Among the items taken were more than 30 cartons of cigarettes, two cases of Budweiser; a six-pack of Miller Lite; seven 40-ounce bottles of Colt .45, 18 cans of chewing tobacco as well as a carton of Red Man; 40 Bic lighters; three boxes of condoms; an unknown amount of rolling papers; and $1,114 in cash and coin.

Surgoinsville Police Chief Jeff Hesoun asks anyone with information to contact him. Although there was no description of suspect(s) available, I can probably offer you basic profile:

Suspect will be Caucasian, late 20’s-mid 40’s and will be driving (a) older model Chevy Camaro (b) beat-up Buick Regal (c) small pick-up truck or (d) older model Honda covered with bumper stickers. May have a rebel flag or nude angel tattooed on arm – possibly both. Gender unknown but either way will likely be wearing a 1980 Marlboro/NASCAR t-shirt and denim jeans. Female will have prominent camel-toe and skinny rhinestone belt.

Hair could be any color but most likely in the style of “all business up front and a party in the back’ and female will wear excessively large scrunchie and earrings, which resemble fishing lures.

Also, as I’d imagine the suspect is likely one of my relatives, I’d advise you to be on the lookout at pig roasts, Hog Wild, and/or any area where beer and a Lynard Skynard cover band are present.

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