The notion is not so far-fetched. After all, Dale Earnhardt is serious bid’ness in these parts. Honestly, the only type of person shunned more than an anti-Earnhardt NASCAR fan around here might be an atheist. Apparently, on the local list of most revered historical figures, it’s Jesus first, Dale second, and the third spot seems to be a toss up betwixt Elvis and Ronald Reagan. Reagan is a hero – but Elvis looks better on velvet.
Anyway, I had wanted to collect a few local opinions on the matter so I asked Bill A. and Virgil D. when they came by yesterday to haul some stuff out of the attic.
Bill is in his 60’s, and Virgil in his late 40’s. Both are Republicans. Both are avid race fans. Virgil and his wife have an RV they drag to every race. Bill, on the other hand, doesn’t attend the races because the crowds make him nervous. He does, however, collect NASCAR memorabilia. In fact, I hear he has the most extensive collection of can koozies in Hawkins County. If anybody were going to be okay with Williams’ stunt, it would be these guys, right?
So, I told the fellows I needed their opinion for research purposes and asked them to look at the picture.
“That ain’t Dale Earnhardt,” Bill announced.
“No, it’s Mike Williams.”
“The State Senator.”
Virgil peered closer, “Well, I can kinda tell now that you mention it. How come he’s dressed up like that?”
Before I could explain, Bill jumped in, “Humph! Who give a flying monkey shit why he’s dressed-up? I’ll tell you what… that tax-hikin’ flip-flopping sawed-off… ”
Virgil piped up, “Watch your mouth, Bill. Ain’t no need to start cussing in mixed company. ”
“Well, I’ll just tell you right now, Dale Earnhardt was Republican! And Williams can dress up whatever way he wants, but it don’t change matters none. Walks like a Democrat, talks like a Democrat… must be a Democrat. So, that mess right there makes me mad. It’s like… like… What’s the word?”
“Desecration.” Virgil offered.
“Is that the fancy word for shit?”
“No,” Virgil shook his head.
“Well, it’s a bunch a bull is what I mean to say and I ain’t buying it. Now you can write that in whatever fancy way you want, but that’s what it is.”
So, I asked Bill, “What do you think about Williams opponent Mike Faulk?”
“Ain’t he a lawyer?” Bill asked.
“Well, I don’t trust lawyers as far as I can throw `em,” he said.
Then Virgil added, “Yeah, but he duck hunts, Bill.”
Bill shrugged, “Well, I’ll prolly vote for him unless he starts dressing-up like Elvis or something. I swear, I don’t know what gets into these politicians anymore…”
In conclusion, based on my research, should Williams seek re-election, he might want to think twice before campaigning in Earnhardt fan apparel and all lawyers untrustworthy, unless they shoot ducks which is somehow redeeming.