No Headline for Halloween

Rogersville’s Trunk or Treat turned out to be an unexpectedly large shindig. According to Ms. Kandy at the Mountain Star Mall, the Chamber of Commerce estimates a whopping 1600 children participated in the event. And this number doesn’t include the masses of costumed adults and teens.   Mr. Smartypants and Ms. Diva had a great time. They netted 12 pounds of candy, a bucketful of spider rings and other bits of junky plastic goodness… oh and six of those religious pamphlets, wherein the characters renounce their devil costumes and pray in the end.

After we collected our candy, we stopped by the Community Cup coffeeshop. Ms. Jackie was peddling some positively tasty Pumpkin Spice coffee. It was like licking a pie and drinking coffee all at the same time – except easier.  Meanwhile the kids piled up at the feet of Doc and Guerry McConnell. The couple regaled the children with stories, such as Going on a Bear Hunt and Where’s my Big Toe.  It never fails to amaze me how Doc and Guerry can effortlessly grab an entire audience – including this whole new generation of harder-to-grab listeners. Even Ms. Diva, whom I suspect was born with ants in her pants and cotton in her ears, was completely engrossed in the tale.

Mike Faulk

Oh, and I almost forgot to mention – you-know-who was there handing out his red hot Fireballs. (I told you: wherever there is popcorn popped or a crowd gathered… there he is.)   Fireballs have always been a favorite of mine – but these Fireballs seemed freakishly hot.  They caused my tongue to tingle and my eyes to water…. so I did what I always do when politicians cause me discomfort.  I made up headlines. “Senatorial Candidate Scorches Mouth of Local Kids with Fiery Candy.” “Dangerous Candy results in Tongue Tragedy” “Local Mom Injured by Political Candy.”

Of course, the kids just said: “Slurp, slurp… (red fire slobber drips from chin) Gawd, Missus A, you’re such a wimp!”

I also snagged one of Faulk’s “Keys to a Better Tennessee” key chains, which includes a whistle, a compass and a light – all of which are symbolic, of course. According to Faulk:

“The whistle is to remind me that if I don’t remember my roots, if I don’t remember who sent me, if I can’t find my way home from Nashville, you should blow the whistle on me.

The compass is there to remind me to keep my bearings straight. To me that means a lean, limited government with low taxes that does well the essential things we can’t do for ourselves and doesn’t try to be all things to all people.

The light is meant to remind you that sometimes it takes new leadership to light the way to a better future.”

Personally, I’d have preferred not having all this meaningfulness and significance attached to the gadget. It just seems wrong to use the Republican version of the Bat Signal for ordinary tasks, such as checking the attic for signs of squirrel poop or searching under the car seat for Ms. Diva perpetually lost earring/lip gloss/other thing with fuzzy hot pink marabou feathers.  So, I gave it to one of the hubby’s employees yesterday. He’s an undecided voter – and I had hoped that the key chain might illuminate the path of Republican righteousness.  Or not.


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