Top Ten Reasons why the Mustache is No More

Top 10 Reasons Why Mike Faulk Will Stomp the Dickens out of Sen. Mike Williams.

  1. Last year, Mike Faulk was a Republican.
  2. This year, Mike Faulk is a Republican.
  3. As a Hawkins County Commissioner, Mike managed not  to piss off too many people.
  4. Mike is charitable. Moms love him.  9 out of 10 volunteer firemen approve.  (Hey, I’m not saying his charitable acts were politically motivated – just saying they didn’t hurt. Kiss the baby, and the moms might like you. Give the babies a free trip to the ballgame and a bag full of goodies, and they’ll sing your praises and put your bumper sticker on their mini-van, except for me. I don’t have a mini-van. Plus, I’m fickle. What if I don’t like him later? Besides, those stickers leave a mark. I’d be forced to cover the mark with one of those tacky “My kid beat up your honor roll student” stickers. If only he had window clings – things might have been different.)
  5. Mike Faulk continues to hobnob with the locals. He has attended every imaginable event across six counties. If there’s a banjo picked, popcorn popped, crowd gathered or a good cause for which money was raised, he’s probably been in attendance.   Interacting with locals not only gets the candidate’s message out there – but it creates a sense of familiarity.  Folks want familiarity.  They want elected officials they know.  They want to be able to say, “Well, I’ll just call Senator Faulk because I know him purty good.” Meanwhile, Williams is consistently a no-show and in comparison seems disinterested.
  6. Locals have given Faulk money, although I’ve no clue how he coaxed Heiskell Winstead into giving him $1000. Either Winstead thinks he’s a safe bet or Faulk has promised to move the entire UT football program to Hawkins County if elected.
  7. Mike Faulk embraces Appalachia-inspired fashion trends. (e.g. is pictured on website in Pointer Brand overalls.) Voters here are uncomfortable with candidates who’ve never donned worn out denim or camouflage.  Of course, if Faulk truly wants to dress to impress, he will go Ken Givens chic and pair overalls with Co-op cap and a plaid sports jacket.  Or maybe not.  It takes a special person to pull off this look: I’m not entirely sure he’s got what it takes.
  8. Mike Faulk is armed but probably not dangerous unless you are a furry edible-type critter. This makes him a favorite amongst the locals folk who don’t want state government tinkering with their right to bear arms or shoot furry edible-type critters during the appropriate furry edible-type critter shootin’ season. (I should note this “nasty hunting hobby” is same reason my friend Shelley vows she will not vote for Faulk.  However, as my friend is not actually registered to vote because this would violate some type of anti-government stand she is taking: I’m not sure it counts. But I wanted to mention it due to my keen sense of fairness.)
  9. Mike grew up here and “comes from good people”  I know  “yer people” shouldn’t matter, but  it does.  I have lived in this district nearly all my life, grew up listening to back porch political pundits and learned one basic truth – All voters want to send a person to Nashville/DC, who left something of value behind, something they’ll fight for and something that will never let them forget the way home.  So, it matters.
  10. (BLANK) Will later include fact that Mike Williams (who hasn’t participated in a parade, s shook a hand, kissed a baby, attended a festival or done much of anything to gain face time with constituents) is not truly interested in being re-elected. 
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4 thoughts on “Top Ten Reasons why the Mustache is No More

  1. Pingback: Volunteer Voters » Waxing The Mustache

  2. it should not be listed mike jumped all over the smokes for smarts bullshit but that he did it with every republican in Nashville saying, “you know maybe this ain’t the best idea.” huh, now the tax revenue ain’t what they thought it’d be.

    lets all hold hands and sing together “i told you so. i told you so.”

  3. I can say with honesty that Mike Williams’ conduct on the Senate floor (i.e. wasting the Senate’s time with the most ludicrous of ludicrous bull****) embarrasses me because of how he makes our part of the State look-and no I am not just saying that because I support Mike Faulk.

    Mike Faulk makes me proud that I know him and am even remotely associated with him-he makes you proud that you live here-that’s the difference.

  4. Mike Faulk (R – Kingsport, TN / Adulteror /Ambulance Chaser) has really turned out to be a shinning star for Mark Norris (R-C0llierville). As soon as Mark Norris heard Mike Faulk had a problem sleeping with married women, he donated $2,000 to Faulk in order for Faulk to get elected and bring his high moral character to Nashville. Great job Mark Norris. Keep up the solid political acumen and sincere desire to be a horrible role model to our youths. Hey Mike and Mark? Ever heard of personal responsiblity or the sanctity of marriage? We know these to havent met a State Sponsored Internet Registry they didnt like so Im thinking a Registry identifying Adulterors like Mike Faulk (R- Kingsport) would be a good investment for the citizens of this state? Why? Public Safety and the threat/cost people like Mike Faulk have on the general public….not to mention our states impressionable children.

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