“What do you mean they can’t smoke?” Mr. M bellowed after I reminded him the smoke-free Tennessee law goes into effect October 1st and would apply to his employees/workplace.
“What if I say they can smoke?” He asked.
“Well, you’d be in violation of the law and subject to a fine… or imprisonment if they allow me to testify against you.”
“Seriously on the laws or seriously `would I testify against you?’ Yes and yes, if they offered me a reward or free soda.”
“I thought the law just applied to restaurants – and you’re still upset about that whole toilet seat thing, aren’t you? I told you I was sorry about that.”
“The smoke-free laws apply to all public places including the workplace with three or more employees. There are a a few exceptions – none that apply to you. And it’s not just the toilet seat thing. If you’re locked-up, it would be easier for me to date.” I explained.
“Dream on. I’ve already trained the kids to scare other men away. You know, our guys aren’t going to like this no-smoking stuff,” Mr. M predicted.
(Insert 30 minute foaming at the mouth anti-government shtick: “I disagree with this. This is my property! I own it. I pay for it. I run it. It should be my decision whether people are allowed to smoke!”)
I sigh, “But you hate smoking.”
“That’s not the point,” He yells and continues the tirade, “It’s the principle of the matter.”
He finally says: “So, can you gather up the ashtrays and post the signs. I’ll let you break the news.”
Then adds. “You know, normally, you’re on top of this political stuff. I cannot believe you let this one slide.”
Geez, all of my other gigs weren’t enough? Mr. M now expects me to assume the duties of protecting all Tennesseans from pointless laws, general dumbassedness and extreme-leaning evil-doers in the state legislature? I don’t know if I’m interested in the job. How much does it pay? Would this be a salaried super hero position or would I get a flat-rate fee per evil plot thwarted? Can I do billable hours? Can I pick my own name? What about the costume – there’s no thongs involved right? Will I need a special bra for this? Ooh, can I have a sidekick too? Could it be Kleinheider? Wonder how much I’d have to pay him to actually say “Holy Convicted Republicans, Tennessee Girl, Stacey Campfield is blogging without a spell-check!” Would my expense account cover that?
Nah, not interested.
“Yes dear, you’re right. I let it slide. I failed to heroically protect your “God-Given rights as an American Citizen” from the evil state of Tennessee. If only I hadn’t been so preoccupied with dislodging my butt from the toilet because some jerk left the seat up… you wouldn’t be oppressed right now.”
So anyway… is there a reward for reporting violations of the Smoke-Free Tennessee law and would it be possible for violators to get jail time?