Why Chicks were not permitted to ride in General Lee

The Times-News reports that Rogersville Police Officer James Hammonds apprehended Hawkins County “fugitive” last Sunday after the young man evaded arrest, leading police on a high-speed chase and attempting to jump a creek “Dukes of Hazzard” style.

The chase began Thursday evening when Hammonds recognized Brandon Phillip Surplis, 19, in the Wal-Mart parking lot. Hammonds knew Surplis’ driver’s license was revoked and the man was wanted for failure to appear in court on a violation of community corrections charge.

According to the report, Hammie hit the blue lights and Surplis hit the gas pedal. As the young man was tearing down Main Street like a bat outta hell, his passenger allegedly attempted to bail from the moving car before she was pulled back inside.

After leaving the roadway on Scenic Drive, Surplis veered into an open field and headed toward an embankment above a creek.

“I don’t know if he’s seen too many episodes of the ‘Dukes of Hazzard’ or what, but he thought he was going to jump that creek,” Police Chief Doug Nelson said, “He might have made it too, but his girlfriend stuck the car in park before they hit the embankment, and the car just kind of skidded over and nosed into the creek.”

Surplis fled on foot but was picked up by Hammonds on Sunday with some brand spanking new charges added to his list of offenses, including felony evading arrest, reckless endangerment, failure to obey a stop sign, and illegal possession of a weapon.

The whole story raises some interesting questions:

(1) Since this was a city police matter, would that make Mayor Sells the Boss Hogg?

(2) What kind of idiot fugitive lays low at Wal-Mart? This is the South, where Wal-Mart serves as the general store, all-around meeting place, location of mini-reunions and generally has more foot traffic than the state fair.

(3) Should this girl’s Daddy praise her quick response or rake her over the coals for having any dealings with the dipstick?

(4) Since things like this often happen in Hawkins County, could we just elect Jim Bowman to be our official balladeer?

(5) Exactly how irrate will James Hammonds be when I start calling him Cletus?

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