Assembly Adjourns: Stuff Accomplished

Well, according to Campfield’s blog – it’s over. They’ve adjourned.

Of course, most of you know about the big moves made in the state legislature, such as reforming the reform, hiking the tax and declaring indoor (public) places one big giant No-Smoking zone.

But what about those other bills? You know those small pieces of legislation that receive little or no attention? After all, it’s the little things that mean alot.

Therefore, I would like to list a few outstanding accomplishments of the 105th assembly so that my fellow Tennesseans can appreciate how hard-working and diligent their elected officials are.

(1) We now have a Bluegrass Day. This day will be on the 4th Saturday each May – and Thank God. It always troubled me to celebrate bluegrass on those other non-specified days.

(2) Tennessee has finally stepped up and passed a bill to regulate the used mattress market. Of course, the law doesn’t apply to chartered non-profits; but to all of those black-hearted sellers of used bedding, who advertise their filthy wares in the Smoky Mountain Trader – watch out! Our state is cracking down and seeking ways to avoid an epidemic of used mattress cooties.

(3) Legislators have agreed to change the name of the personnel department to Human Resources. It took many hours of debate in committee to determine which name was (a) PC and (b) easier for Stacey Campfield to spell. Human Resources (HR) was selected for the widely recognizable abbreviation.

(4) It’s about time! Finally, they regulated those damn billboards and moving sidewalks.

(5) The Nashville Zoo will be permitted to sell booze. I have mixed feeling about this piece of legislation… because lord knows there’s nothing more annoying that hearing a drunk guy argue with a pachyderm over who has a bigger trunk.

(6) I would like to report that our government made it easier to shoot people at your home and gamble online.

(7) Yes, you can still wear the full headdress to the ballfield; however, if Jesus rides shotgun, you’ll want to (1) leave two hours early and (2) have all documentation available.  Due to the prohibition on the transportation of “illegals” for profit or gain: having any brown person in the passenger seat is likely “reasonable cause for suspicion” and may get you pulled over, harassed and/or strip searched…  So, wear your good undies.

(8) You can’t pop wheelies on a motorbike unless you are in a parade.

(9) Burchett passed his legislation to extend protective orders to the pets of adults and/or minors named in the order. Therefore, your crazy ex-wife might think twice about kidnapping Beaufort the Blue Tick to hold him hostage, injuring him or shamelessly allow him to cavort with poodles.

(10) Most importantly: I am pleased to announce our esteemed legislators came together in truly bi-partisan effort and passed the butt bill.

Ladies and Gentlemen, thank you for your work. I’m glad you managed to accomplish so much – as our public welfare required it.


2 thoughts on “Assembly Adjourns: Stuff Accomplished

  1. Pingback: Volunteer Voters » The Case For The Good Czar

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