I do not surf the net. I meander all around it, about it and through it like a feisty 72-year old woman on her first senior citizen’s site seeing trip. I started out here… and wound up here. I cannot recall the stops I’ve made in between and, after the second bathroom break, I forgot what I was looking for anyway. However my tendency to veer off into parts unknown has finally paid off. How else would I have discovered that tin foil hats will not protect you from the deadly radiation that permeates the air.
In fact, according to some wiz kid at MIT with a $250,000 network analyzer, that tin cap of yours actually tends to amplify certain frequencies that are reserved by the FCC for government use only, meaning their mind control rays have the most effect on the very people who go to the furthest trouble to protect themselves from such trickery.”
This is truly Need-to-Know information! For years, I’ve labored under the misconception that Uncle Earl’s Reynolds Wrapped fedora was worn for the purpose of thwarting alien attacks. Had I not strayed from the group, I might’ve never known the foil’s true purpose is warding off liberal brainwashing attempts and protecting oneself from UN plots to disarm and dominate the world.
I will alert the kinfolks immediately. Since aluminum foil has been proven an ineffective defense, I am assuming that Cousin Eugene’s anti-brainwarshin’ igloo constructed from alien averting materials (empty Busch Beer cans) would be equally useless.
The new preventative for liberal brainwashing attacks will be regular exposure to Rush Limbaugh or Bill O’Reilly. Both treatments have mild side-effects, such as headaches, indigestion, moderate weight gain, and skin irritation. Other side-effects are rare but have occurred. These are formation of irrational biases and urge to wear ugly neckties. This treatment is not recommended for gun collectors or heavy drinkers. You should discuss with your local Republican Party which is right for you.
Now about those pesky aliens and their ongoing schemes to abduct humans – not to worry. Along my cyber-travels, I’ve located the perfect source of information: How To Defend Yourself Against Alien Abduction. This book was written by researcher, Ann Druffel.
Druffel is an expert in UFO’s, Alien Life Forms, Past Lives, Armageddon and Psychic Powers. She is assisted in her work by deceased co-author Armand Marcotte. I suppose he contributes from the otherworld by way of psychic revisions and memos penned in ectoplasm.