Product May Cause Pee-Pee Pants

My girlfriend gave me a tube of this Bliss Rosemary and Lemon Sock Salve.
She’s a beauty editor. She gets lots of freebies. And I love her for sharing!
Anyway, I used the Salve yesterday.

It seems to work well; however, I am not going to declare it officially Effective – because the results could be a product of my imagination. See, I happen to know sock salve costs $30 for a modest sized tube, which is upmarket from my normal $2.69 per tub vaseline treatment. Like all women, I tend to believe that the more expensive the product the more astounding the results. So, again, it could’ve been all in my head.

(For the record, my feet haven’t stopped traffic or attracted stalkers who wanted to play some perverted rendition of This Little Piggy Went to Market. And I have been wearing open-toe shoes.)

I can say this though. Bliss Sock Salve SMELLS GREAT! I noticed the scent immediately. It was so pleasing, I administered a second application… and then a third. And when my husband stopped by, I was sitting at the desk sniffing my feet.
Instead of explaining: I just stuck my foot in his face and said: “Oh my God, This smells awesome. Here. You Have to Smell this!!”

Being not homosexual, he was not as enthusiastic as I thought he should be. So, I called Anthony, who is homosexual and was properly excited. He even jotted down the name of the product because he’s so gay.

I do need to point out that the instructions advise using at nighttime 1-2 X week. It also recommends covering the feet after application with a pair of Bliss Socks, but those things are like $50 – so, I made due with a pair of Hanes. Anyway, while admiring my fancy smelling feet. I lost track of time and was a bit late leaving the house to pick-up Mr. Smartypants.

At 2:45, I stripped off my socks, slipped on my open-toe mules and headed out the door. The first thing I noticed is that the product doesn’t absorb well after 14 applications. In fact, it is a little greasy and causes the feet to slip around inside the shoe.

This could be a problem if, oh hypothetically, you weren’t paying attention while driving because you were trying to locate the right version of Mushaboom on a CD containing four different ones. And then say, for instance, while juggling this complex task, the traffic light turned red and you were required to make a sudden stop. In a situation such as this: you could possibly hit the brake and have your greasy foot slip out of your shoe and off the brake pedal.

While it might be possible to stop in time; it’d be such a close call that the lady you almost rear-ended might pee her pants. Now, let’s say this lady was a friend. If you are any kind of decent person, and you had directly contributed or caused an event which resulted in a beloved acquaintance peeing in his/her pants: the least you could do would be to offer to collect all children from school and bring them home.

So, there you have it. Bliss Salve + Mules + Inattentive Driving = potential disaster or Pee-Pee pants. Therefore, my official advice – use only as directed.

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