How to Sell a Man's Junk

Any woman, who has ever held a yard sale, can tell you: the only thing more difficult than selling a child’s toys while the child is present is selling a man’s junk while the man is on hand.
Now, I am pretty effective at clearing-out man-clutter. (The mere sight of a masking-tape bracelet makes my husband hyperventilate.) And I am willing to share my know-how with you. Here are eight fail-proof tricks for ridding your home of man rubbish – Excuse me, I meant highly collectible man merchandise.
Tip #1 Don’t ask.
Asking “Can I sell this?” or “Do you need this?” implies that there is an option. By offering this option, you will surely encounter, “Nah, go ahead and sell it. Wait! Don’t sell it. I could probably use the screws/ hinges/motor/base.” As a result, you are not only stuck with the same junk in the garage, it will now be disassembled.
Tip #2 If you do ask, don’t make the mistake of asking twice.
It is a proven fact that men do not hear anything a woman says until she repeats it. This is because the male brain is insulated with a soft, spongy coating. This coating stores complex man-information, such as sport stats, mental images of Catherine Zeta Jones in a bikini and the performance specs on the new Ford Mustang. In order for a man to internalize and retain information, a woman has to drill through the coating by means of repetition. Use this mental wadding to your advantage. Assure your husband after the yard sale that oh yes; he did agree to sell the Orlando Magic Christmas ornaments. He just doesn’t remember.
Tip #3 Never debate the usefulness of an item.
Actively campaigning to sell an item causes it to be earmarked as endangered. Men will protect their endangered items. For instance, a few years ago, I was determined to thin out my husband’s collection of ERTL banks and University of Tennessee shirt collection. Since that time, if I mention the word – yard sale, my husband immediately takes inventory of his toys and tees.
So, (Tip #4) use the endangered item list as a diversion.
Prior to all yard sales, I blatantly hint that I might sell these items against his wishes. Once he feels his t-shirts are being threatened, he becomes vigilant. While he is busying standing guard over the t-shirt drawer and counting his ratty old tees, I sell the odd assortment of shot glasses and golf towels.
As for the actual sale, I realize the usual rule of thumb is to spiff up your merchandise – clean, wash and polish. In this case – don’t.
Tip #5 Never make your husband’s items presentable.
Efforts to make these things appealing to buyers will also make it more appealing to him. This especially applies to exercise equipment and sporting goods. Once you have these items sparkling, you can bet your husband will decide to take up golf or tennis again (despite the fact that while you were cleaning the stuff, he was camped out on the couch with a bag of Cheetos.)
Along those same lines, make sure to (Tip #6) hide the shiny stuff.
Men are attracted to shiny things, so you don’t want to prominently display any hardware, old jewelry, or the black and silver herringbone suit that he wore back in the early 90’s. If it embarrassed you then, just imagine how humiliated you’d be now.
Tip #7 Do not let your husband price items.
A man’s unwavering belief that everything he owns is collectible, vintage and/or valuable will inflate the prices and scare away potential buyers. When in doubt about pricing, you may want to check Ebay listings for similar items.
Last but not least, (Tip # 8) buck yard sale tradition and hold a Fall Season sale. The weather is cooler and there are lots of football games on TV, which will enable you to get your husband out of your hair and more junk – excuse, I meant highly useful objects – out of your house.
Happy Selling!


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