The Conversation @ My House

overheard between two six-year old girls…

Ms. Diva: “Um, let’s paint a Father’s Day card…”
Miss O: “Father’s Day?  How about a Mother’s Day card.”
Ms. Diva: “Mother’s Day is over.”
Miss O:  “Father’s Day is a long time away.”
Ms. Diva: “Let’s paint a picture of Obama!”
Miss O: “Yeah, we love Obama!”
Ms. Diva: “It can’t be a bad picture of Obama like that picture of  him smoking a cigarette.”
Miss O: “Yeah.  I saw that.”
Ms. Diva: “I see it on the news when they’re talking about Obama.  It’s a bad picture.”
Miss O: “I saw this thing… and it said `Obama Is Wrong!’ I saw that.”
Ms. Diva: “I hate people who say things like that.”
Miss O: “My friend at school said – and this is not true – Obama takes newborns and kills them.  Like he throws them in the river or something. That’s not true. It’s not.  At all.”
Ms. Diva: “Crazy. People are crazy. Why do they talk about him like that?”
Miss O: “It’s like, Obama won, People, that’s no reason to start a riot.  Get over it already.”
Ms. Diva: “Yeah. If they don’t have something nice to say, they should just keep their faces shut.”
Miss O: “Yeah, because we like Obama.”
Ms. Diva: “I love him more probably.  I have posters and stuff.”
Miss O:   “Oh.  I. don’t. think. so.  Sistah.”
Ms. Diva: “I love him so much I’d marry him.  Mmm-hmm, I went there.”
Miss O:  (Giggles) Reeces pieces, 7-up, mess with me, I’ll mess you up… Hey, let’s ask your mom if we can paint the orange juice container!”

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Obama and Jack: A Perfect Pair

First, there was the Chia Obama, next comes Presidential Giggle Water.
Jack Daniel’s, prominent Maker of Tennessee Mash, has apparently decided to get in on the Obamabilia craze.

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On the Partisan Playground

Democrat Girl:  (watching the Kids’ Inaugural on Disney Channel and clutching a Time magazine with the Blueberry LipSmacker smears on the cover.)

“Her Nana is Jill Biting? Jill Biting is someone’s real Nana? I have a Nana too!  Ohmigosh! Look. There’s Obama’s big daughter.  She loves the Jonas Brothers!  Hey, look! Obama’s little daughter has a pink camera!  And she has curly hair like me!  We look alike.  Don’t we?  We’re both so cute.  Do you think she has a Nana?  We both have Nanas!  We’re alike people.  Oh, I’m so excited.  This is a histor-ree-cal monument because of Marfin Lucker King Jr. and stuff.  Well, he isn’t there because he got shotted but… Oooh look, there’s Mee-shell Obama!  I love Mee-shell Obama.  I love Obama’s mole!  Be quiet, Brubby.  I’m trying to watch this monument.  Be quiet.  MOMMY!  Tell him to be quiet!  HE’S MESSIN’ UP MY MONUMENT!   MOMMY!  He called Obama a moley Hoobastank.  It’s a cuss word in German! Ground Him to Pieces until he’s 30!”

Later…

Nine-Year-Old GOP Boy: (channel surfing during commercial for commemorative History Victory Obama plate): “Oh yeah? Well if he’s so new and improved, how come you can’t microwave his plate?”

————————————————————————————

This is going to a very loooong years four eight years.

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Dear America: GET A GRIP

I’ve been forwarded various versions of this story more times than I can count.  I suppose folks felt that by warning me of Stephen Lewis’ newspaper column, they were protecting or supporting me, thought I should know in case I wanted to protest… or perhaps they just wanted to make clear their disapproval.

I appreciate the effort to keep me informed.  (In fact – next week I plan to return the favor by forwarding you all a lot of really bad redneck/ blond/lawyer/men are stupid /women are bad drivers jokes (whichever may apply to you individually) along with a message expressing my personal outrage that people could be so narrow-minded about region of origin, hair color, career choices or gender (whichever may apply to you individually.)

However,  I don’t share your outrage.

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When Sarah’s Skirts Are No Longer News

The headlines say: Gun sales are up after election!

Gun buyers have apparently hit the stores due to concerns that an Obama administration will curtail their right to bear arms – and much ado has been made of the (still statistically unquantified) increase.

Yeah so?  As a state senator, Obama did favor a ban on the sale or transfer of semi-automatic firearms and increasing restrictions on the purchase and possession of firearms.  Americans are reacting.  This isn’t irrational or unusual.  We’ve always been a nation of disaster-avoiding, doom-averting “what if…” prevention-type people: the same ones who emptied the stores of duct tape, tried to stockpile Cipro and have been updating the same End of the World As We Know It Emergency Kit since y2K.

It’s just what we do.

And I’m sure after Bush was first elected, there was a similar increase in sales of poster board, paint and the “How to Prevent Election Fraud For/By (Pick Your Own) Dummies” book. The left-wing liberal media just didn’t report it.

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Nancy P. Floozy and Hooey Mexican Stuff: The Republican Problem

Yesterday sucked.

The Relative called first thing in the morning, bent out-of-shape because Obama selected that “little peckerhead” [Rahm Emanuel] for his Chief of Staff. Of course, I knew this phone call was coming. I dreaded it.   I also know there will be a thousand more over the next four years.

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While You Were Sleeping…

On Tuesday when the election results were in, Obama won. The earth didn’t move. No voices rang from the heavens singing “Glory Hallelujah” or “Holy Shit, Ya’ll Done Messed Up” The lame didn’t walk. The blind didn’t see. The seas didn’t part. The moon didn’t fall from the sky. There were no rioters or looters taking to the streets. Jesus didn’t show-up riding a storm cloud, wearing MC Hammer pants and singing, “Rapture-Time.”

Nothing happened.

The night America made history, time progressed as normal with the hours becoming almost forgettable except for the programming on television and my (still ongoing) argument with Mr. Smartypants over whether or not Sarah Palin has ever appeared in a Bud Light commercial.

There was not one single moment wherein I thought to myself – I will remember this forever.

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So Far… on Election Night

Ms. Diva is pissed because they’ve already called Tennessee for McCain – so she’s talking trash to Anderson Cooper on television.

Mr. Smartypants is upset because no one has mentioned those other people, whose names were on the ballot – and he wants to know why.

Mike Faulk is leading Mike Williams in the state Senate Race.

And Tuke who?

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What I’m Up Against…

Now you understand why I had to lecture the children before we went into the polling place about how outburst, last-minute attempts at campaigning or comments such as “MOM, WHAT ARE YOU? CRAZY?” or “HEY, YOU FORGOT TO VOTE FOR…” would NOT be tolerated.

*Music by Rob Russell and the Sore Losers

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Four Long Years

Mr. Smartypants and Ms. Diva were sitting on the couch earlier this morning watching the Disney Channel – oblivious to the fact that today we make some type of history.  Therefore, I felt the need to announce it:

“Today is The Day.  We’re going to elect a new president.”

Diva jumped up and down, using the couch as her own personal trampoline, “Go Obama! Woo-hoo! Obama, Obama, O-bam-a!”   She must have incorrectly assumed I’m so excited about history being made that I could overlook the whole “no jumping on the furniture” rule.

I’m not.

“Sit down Obama Mama – or I’ll vote for John McCain twice,”  I told her and she, having no knowledge of election laws, plopped on her bottom immediately.

See, both of my kids are Obama supporters: each voting for the candidate in mock elections at their respective schools – one more reluctantly than the other.  Last week, we discussed their reasons for selecting Obama.  Ms. Diva voted for Obama because “he’s hotter than the old guy.”  Diva’s friend, the Delightful Ms. O, voted Obama because “he wants to help the poor people.”  Mr. Smartypants voted Obama because “if McCain kicks the bucket while in office that psycho lady is taking over the country.”

Smartypants, who is clearly the less enthusiastic supporter,  didn’t jump on any furniture today.

He simply asked: “So, when will Obama take over?”

“In January.”

“How come we didn’t do this last year?”

“Presidents are elected to a four-year term.”

Then, he jumped to his feet, “WHAT? What does that mean?  We will have Obama as President for four years?  I thought we were just voting for him for, like, a year or something…  to try him out.  I don’t want him for four years! Well – No Obama then. Not for four years.  That’s a long time.  I’ll be in Middle School…  and I don’t want McCain either.  I don’t like either one of them.  Not for four years.  They’re both stupid.”

“Well, who do you like?”

“Neither one of them.”

“Is there another candidate you did like?”

Smartypants shrugs, “No… none… I don’t know… maybe we should have went with that Mitt Huckafee guy.”

Then, he grumbled: “This means you’ll be hogging up the TV and watching the news all night.  Doesn’t it?”

“Probably.”

“SEE! SEE WHAT I MEAN! His Four Years hasn’t even started and he’s already messing up my life!”  Mr. Smartypants has now wandered off in search of his shoes, muttering, “This is going to be the four longest years ever in the history of forever… so let’s just get it over with already.”

No, I didn’t have the heart to tell him Obama is eligible for two separate four year terms.  He has until Middle School to figure that out – but for now, we’re off to “get the first four over with.”

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