The wee hours of November 5th cannot get here soon enough. I’m not terribly excited by the prospect of an Obama win because he’s a little scary in terms of shutting down detractors – but you know what? There’s more citizens than there are Presidents. Bloggers alone can outnumber him. So, screw it. Let’s get it over with – because I can’t take much more of this Tennessee campaigning.
I’m tired of hearing about faulty primaries, improper use of PAC money, telephone harassment, lawsuits, Republican rags and other furtive pain-in-the-ass Pecksniffian tactics. And this, which I cannot avoid because it’s my district.
There are guys over at the Spit-n-Sit, who’ve engaged in good-natured verbal battles since Jimmy Carter’s first campaign, that are no longer on speaking terms. Ralph Jr. is convinced Mike Faulk should go to jail for something – which has resulted in Ralph’s cousin, who despises Mike Williams, declaring that Ralph’s wife is homely and smells funny, therefore Ralph opposes Faulk “on accounta he’s just jealouser than a hound at a steakhouse window.“
And I know. I know. It’s just politics – and politics around here have always been sort of a rough and tumble sport. Shucks, downtown Rogersville is the home of at least one political rally of yesteryear where people died of gunshot wounds. So dueling TV ads from Faulk and Williams could be considered progress. But can I confess something? On my really bitchy days, I’d prefer it if those two would just shoot at each other… or maybe finish out the campaign with a wrestling match… at high noon… on Main Street. I mean, I assume a debate is out of the question since they haven’t talked much about the issues – mostly just each other. So, let’s get some real mud, sell tickets and hot dogs, have a cage match and make an event of it. Winner takes the senate seat and one of those huge shiny gold-electroplated Championship belts.
Hell, why not? An event like that would be well-attended, could boost the local economy and as long as neither candidate wears those skimpy Speedo “wrasslin’ panties” – it wouldn’t be any less dignified than what they’re doing now.