My Thoughts on Current Events

Yeah, I’d say this conversation sums it up:

He: “Did you feel that earthquake this morning?”

Me: “What earthquake?”

He: “It was all over the news. Didn’t you watch channel 5 this morning?”

Me: “No. I don’t watch television anymore.”

He: “So, you missed those debates!?”

Me: “I tried.”

He: “Well…. blah-blah-blah (the extended version).”

Me: “Uh-huh. Yeah. Yeah.”

He: “And did you hear what he said about us being bitter and crazy?”

Me: “I heard.”

He: “Well, I tell you what… and I am not saying this cause he’s black so don’t take offense, but wah-wah-wah-wah (dj’s remix version)…”

Me: “Huh?”

He: “I said are you listening to me?”

Me: “Not really.”

He: “I asked you if you thought you were bitter.”

(Sigh)

He: “Do you?”

Me: “Well, I am worried about my business folding in this economy, which might make it difficult to feed my family considering that the price of food is skyrocketing. I don’t like Republicans. I don’t like Democrats. I don’t like the third parties spawned from discontent. I believe in climate change yet I don’t recycle. Furthermore, the anti-immigration people are really starting to piss me off. And I am so tired of everyone accusing everyone else of being racist when they hate on Obama… when in reality half of them don’t even remember what racism looks like… so tired, I could spit. Just spit. Add to this, according to national standards, I’m about three husbands, a Sunday service and one pistol away from being considered batshit crazy. I can’t adjust my thong without running the risk of being caught on a google or a redflex camera… and since I bitch about this so often, the government is probably listening to my conversation with you right this moment and making plans to declare us both enemies of the state – in which case I kinda really hope that they water-board your ass. Because I have cramps and for some reason, you won’t shut up. So, I don’t know. Would you call that bitter. Because honestly, I feel peachy – just f~ckin’ peachy. How `bout you?”

He: “Uh… so maybe I’ll just talk to you later then?”

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